I finally got a chance to sit down and write on the blog. (It’s been a couple weeks.) I’ve been so busy and it has been hard to have a moment of silence where I can clear my head and not think about cooking, cleaning, or other household obligations. The toys can wait, it will only take me a couple of minutes to throw them into their bins, and I’ve decided the dinner will be easy to make tonight…spaghetti.
So many times I ask myself how other moms handle two (or three, or four) small children at one time. It’s mentally daunting how much work goes into raising two children that are close in age. Mine are two years apart, with the oldest just turning three, and the baby just turned one, both in January.
I never would have imagined that scheduling play dates with other moms would be the saving grace during my week. I’m now THAT mom who gushes about “wine time” and “girls night out” because the kids just drain me. As we all know, being a parent in general is hard work. Whether you go to work, or are a stay-at-home parent, there’s no ay around being a parent. Our particular situation involves me being with the kids about 12 hours before I get to put my feet up for a little break.
This may sound ridiculous for me to write this, as there are so many women who have multiple children very close in age. This is just MY experience and some of the pros and cons of having two kids two years apart.
Some of the negatives of having two kids two years apart:
- Say goodbye to your routine. When you have just one child, you know what to expect as far as their daily routine. You can semi plan your outings and your household chores around when they nap, have social activities and when they eat. Add another child in the mix and there really is no schedule. The toddler may nap one day and then decide not to the next day. The baby may go down at 9am for her first nap and then totally miss her 2pm nap. If you are lucky, they both go to sleep at the same time…but you’re usually in the car driving, and therefore aren’t able to get anything done at home.
- Dealing with the toddler phase and the newborn phase at the same time…not fun. In turn, one is jealous and fighting for your attention, while the other is clinging on to you or trying to crawl into everything. You can usually tell where the toddler is, but the baby needs your eye at all times. You literally can’t sit down because one is getting into something…guaranteed.
- When it comes time for feeding, your toddler who once ate everything is deciding that they don’t like certain foods anymore. Now, you are having to make special meals for one little person all the time, since you are happy for them to eat anything at this stage. Meanwhile, the baby is trying new foods all the time, but most of it ends up on the floor. Mealtime is definitely not my favorite times of the day. I feel like real life Cinderella mopping the floors and sweeping crumbs and food particles all day.
- You’re literally tired all the time. As much as I long for alone time with the hubby, you are both just so tired at the end of the day from working and caring for two small children, we just want to go to bed early most nights. I know that it’s hard for me to leave my children with a sitter at this age, so be prepared to not have many vacations or dates out until the kids are a little older.
- Do your research on childcare costs now that you will have two kids. This was the number one reason we decided I should stay home and leave my job. A lot of times childcare for one is reasonable but adding in another child really increases the costs. Having two children in day care versus one in daycare and one in pubic school is a huge cost difference.
Some of the positives of having two kids two years apart:
- Being close in age, they are more likely to relate to each other and play with one another. Although they don’t really play with each other NOW…I’m sure they will in a couple of years.
- The hand-me-down factor is great! Luckily for us, both of our kids were born in January…that means the baby gets to wear everything her big sister had- at the correct seasons and everything!
- You have toys, diapers, drying racks, etc all out for a couple of years. No need to put that stuff away just yet since you’re still using them for both kids. And then, just like that, you get rid of it all at once and get your house back in order again. You do this whole “baby” phase, and then it’s over! No more diaper bag or crib to worry about.
- They share a lot of experiences together. You can match their outfits and it’s “OK” to do so. Being so close, they often share the same friends and get invited to parties together since they are always around the same playgroup of friends. You also take them to the same age appropriate functions (i.e. story time) and they can learn important developmental traits together.
We never knew how much work that extra little being would add to our lifestyle. Our girls are the highlight of our life and yet, we feel like we’re on a crazy whirlwind of a ride at the same time. We’re living one day at a time, trying to make the best of this thing called “Parenthood”. This is definitely the hardest job in the world…hands down.
What ideas did you, or do you have for yourself when you think about life after your first child? Was it harder, or was it easier for you to go from one to two children very close in age? Can you add to any of the pros and cons of having kids two years apart?
Mine are 2 years and 4 months aPart. I really like the age gap! Sleep and routines are out the door but Im okay with it. Im also happy to stay Home with them. Childcare is spendy!
Routines are nuts right now. Luckily the baby is a good sleeper, I can’t complain! I love that you love being home with them! You’re such a good mom <3
Good list. I also ended up at home after our second child because of daycare costs. Its great but exhausting as you point out, lol
Two years apart definitely sucked for a while…but now, at 3 and almost 5, it’s kind of great. they play together {most} of the time, they share friends, and they love each other.
great list, friend 🙂
I can relate to much of what you said! I have two under two right now. It’s crazy but i wouldnt trade it for anything!
I agree with every single point on this list. Another one which i would add to both pros and cons is that they copy each other so much! This can suck hardcore when it’s bad behavior, but can awesome when it’s good behavior. For example, my youngest is more interested in potty training, but now that she’s peed in the potty a couple times, the older (by just a handful of months) is starting to *finally* use the potty too.
Great post!
Oh yes, I’m sure I’ll experience that soon enough!!
I only have the one and my head is spinning so \i can’t imagine!!! Love your perspective!
I can totally relate to all of these. I have 2 kids that are a year and 2 months apart.
Belle | One Awesome Momma
ugh, you make motherhood seem so easy! i’m prepping for baby #3 and then i’ll have a 5 year old, an 18 month old, and a newborn. i’ll have two under two as well and this is something i’ve been racking my brain with. thanks for putting it into words… now, how do i make them take care of each other? can you write a blog about that?? ;-)! <3
Oh Justine… don’t we wish they would take care of each other? Instead of pushing and yelling at one another?! Lol! I’m so excited for you! I think about having #3 all the time but right now I’m a hot mess so it probably should wait!
My sister and i are two years apart and I loved growing up with a sibling that close. We shared a lot of the same experiences and had the same friends. We are still super close.
My kids are five years apart. I did that for my sanity. I knew I couldn’t handle two in diapers, two criers, two people that still needed my care….I did what worked for us but I know many people who have kids close in age and love it. I do sometimes wish my kids would play together more, but ahh well.
It’s true that you just can’t win, whatever you decide to do! We all had to do what worked for us at the time. 😉
my sister and i are also two years apart and we had the best bonding ever. But now she married earlier than me and its quite different when your sister has her own family.. but i know she misses that too.
My sister and I are 17 months about, so I can only imagine how hard that was on my mom. I’m childless, but it sounds like having two kids that close in age is challenging, but very rewarding.
My brother and I are three years apart and I always felt like that was a good amount of time. we were able to be close without being right together with everything.
Beth || http://www.TheStyleBouquet.com
My BROTHER and I are only 20 months apart and I loved being close in age when we were kids BECAUSE I always had someone to play with, but I’m sure it was a handful for my mom!
I absolutely loved this post! We’re starting to consider a second, and my daughter is just TURNING 1 in april. I love reading posts like this on the pros and cons of a closeness in age!!
Glad I could give you some tips! It’s tough for sure! Best wishes to you guys!
MY SIBLINGS AND I ARE JUST A FEW YEARS APART AND IT’S GREAT. I CAN IMAGINE IT’S HARD AT FIRST BECUASE YOU PROBABLY DON’T GET THE CHANCE TO REALLY ENJOY THE SMALL MOMENTS WITH THE FIRST CHILD ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS WHILE PREGNANT WITH THE SECOND… NOW THAT MY SON IS OLDER AND I HAVE FRIENDS AND FAMILY WITH CHILDREN A YEAR OR SO APART. I Think IT’S A WONDERFUL IDEA.
I HAVE A 4YO AND A 17YO. THEY ARE BOTH BORN IN OCTOBER 6 DAYS APART FROM EACH OTHER!! tHEY LOVE EACH OTHER LIKE CRAZY BUT IT GETS TUFF SOMETIMES. SPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE WATCHING CARTOONS AND LISTENING TO THE OTHER ONE TALK ABOUT TECHNOLOGY STUFF AND TRIGONOMETRY HOMEWORK.
I have only one diva in training at the moment and I can only imagine how much more tired I’d be with a second one. I did grow up with several simblings so i understand. A concern of mine as well is the increasing cost of child care and/ or private school. But me and my older brother and I get along very well (now, lol) having siblings means there is never a dull moment.
While I know that you definitely don’t always get to decide how far apart your kids are, I love the idea of having kids two years apart. this was a great list and when I get to that point in life I will definitely keep this in mind
i never really thought about the pros and cons. my sister and i are 3 years apart, i think i would love to have kids that are closer in age but 3 was alright as well.
While i Am not a Mother, i can imagine how hard and fun this would be. I’m three years older than my brother and i’m sure my mom felt this way at times.
I have no kids so I can not really comment, I did however find it interesting checking out the pros and cons since me and my siblings are two years apart.
I don’t have kids but managing two little kids would definitely be a herculean task!
Positive – when they go to school, they will mostly be at the same school… easier than always dropping off and picking up at two different places.
Negative – they do t really understand what’s happening with the new baby. Mine are 3.5 years apart. I love that my older one can help me. He’s very proud to be the big brother and it’s been beautiful to watch him around his little brother. I also think it was nice to focus on our first and give him our undivided attention for a few years. I see other friends with kids close together and I think sometimes neither kid gets the attention they want or need.
There are definitely positives and negatives to both!
Great points made! 😉
I could have written this! Except mine are boys – also born in January – and currently 5 months and almost 2.5 yrs. Madness. Pure madness!
That’s awesome!
I have 4, with gaps of 20mo, 18mo and 3.5yrs. With the older 3, their early days are such a blur which makes me sad. On the other hand, they don’t know life without each other, which I love! Adding a fourth was hard, but the joy always outweighs the struggle!
Wow, you’re amazing! So true that the early days are the hardest… and they DO go by so fast!! Enjoy those 4 blessings of yours!!