I am eight weeks in to being a mom to three, and let me tell you, this is the hard!. The newborn phase is no joke, and making me feel all of the #momguilt lately. I was lucky enough to have my mom and sister here to help me in the beginning, but once the village left, we were left to fend for ourselves.
Here is what I’ve learned being a mom to three in these couple of months:
- Routines get all screwed up. The girls (ages 4 and 2) have taken over the house in the morning! When the hubby goes to work, the toddler duo both seem to get up and start playing on their own. (This is a good thing, I do realize that!). At night, all I want to do is go to bed early. This means everyone settles down when I start getting tired.
- If I can swing it, I usually try to get a quick nap in anytime during the day. What I visualize to be a refresher nap, usually ends up as me laying there with my eyes closed, listening to all conversations going on in the house. I’m seriously so tired all day.
- My mom role seems to have gone out the window. My usual routine of taking the girls to the bathroom, getting them breakfast, dressing them for the day, has turned into them going to the bathroom on their own, waiting for me to get up before they ask for food/drinks, and lounging around in PJ’s for a bit.
- Goodbye spontaneity. During the day, the girls and I used to be able to go everywhere, anytime we wanted. Now, the girls have to just patiently wait until I feed Lucas, or until he wakes up from a nap. If we are out somewhere and he starts to fuss, I immediately make us leave so that I’m not “that” mom with the screaming baby.
- Date night? Ehhh,not so much. The baby is my life partner at this moment, and I am responsible for all of his daily actions. (I really need to lighten up and let someone else watch him)
- We need lots of things! My favorite diaper bag is completely maxed out- baby diapers and wipes, spare clothes for 3 kids, snacks, a spare bottle, a nursing cover, all of my wallet, keys and phone, etc. I used to be able to carry a few things in my regular purse with only two kids, but add a baby to the mix and it’s back to a diaper bag!
My #momguilt hits me hard everyday, when I realize that the girls didn’t get a bedtime story, that they maybe didn’t get to play outside, that I was late to pick up the oldest from school, or that we don’t have as many playdates as we used to.
I find my patience wearing thinner each day that I am sleep deprived. I yell more than I should, and I do not follow up on disciplining nearly as much as I should. The girls are vying for my attention and I can’t always get them what they want/need because I’m always feeding or holding the baby.
Some days I want to just cry because I feel awful for not giving 100% of myself to the girls. I am grateful that they love their brother, but at the same time, I wish I could break myself from him to be just “their mom” again.
If I get a few moments to myself (if the baby is sleeping and the girls are eating or playing), then I am usually rushing to get household work done. The dishes from the night before get washed, a couple loads of laundry get thrown in, and I start prepping dinner. I also try to squeeze in some photography and blog work when I can, to save my sanity.
In my perfect world of mommyhood, I am showered and dressed before the girls get up, I make them breakfast, and then we slowly start our morning together and come up with the plan for the day.
The reality is me never wanting to do my hair (if i don’t have to), living in nursing bras and sweat pants, and making everyone eat cereal for breakfast, because it only takes 5 seconds to prepare, and cleaning house right before I know the hubby will walk in.
I know that “me” time is going to be rare right now, but I constantly remind myself that this is just a phase, and that in no time, I will get to spoil myself with hours of alone time while they are at school, or with dad, or a babysitter.
Don’t get me wrong. These are the times, right? I am in love with being a mom, and I try to see the good in things. This whole newborn phase will pass and I’ll be wishing he was teeny tiny and in my arms again.
I think it’s natural to have #momguilt at some point in in the day/week/month. I remind myself to take time with each one of my kids, because I will never get these moments back. What I think is a bad day will be over at midnight.
We all get redo’s and time to reflect on what we did RIGHT in the day. We can’t focus on all of the bad, or we’ll go crazy. Take the mom moments in stride and remember…..you’re doing a great job.
What are some of the #momguilts that you have now or have experienced when you were raising your kids?